You and No Other by Jane Weiss & Bonnie Zahn

Author:Jane Weiss & Bonnie Zahn [Weiss, Jane & Zahn, Bonnie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Lesbian, GLBT, Minnesota, General, Personal Memoirs, Lesbians, Biography & Autobiography, Memoir
ISBN: 9780878393701
Google: dz7HbwAACAAJ
Amazon: 9780878393701
Publisher: North Star Pr of st Cloud
Published: 2010-01-02T06:00:00+00:00

Coping with Change – Early Sequelae

I found life nearly unbearable on the outside looking in as major life-transition events occurred in my family during the first several months after I left Charles. Older son, Michael, graduated from high school with high honors, earned a scholarship, and moved in August to Illinois to begin his Bachelor of Fine Arts in theater studies at my alma mater, Wheaton College. Since March, we hadn’t shared the same space for more than a few hours. I longed for Michael’s expansive, bright spirit that filled any room he was in.

My daughter Lynn at age sixteen moved to Pennsylvania in August. My sister Carol, my parents, and Charles had decided it would be best for her to live with Carol, as Lynn hadn’t been doing well in school. We were all concerned that she might not be able to graduate if she didn’t pull out of her patterns of not studying, and spending hours socializing with friends.

Carol would certainly provide Lynn with a tight structure for studying, as she had for her children Elizabeth and Arthur. Elizabeth was just one year younger than Lynn, so they could attend the same high school. An added bonus for Lynn was that she could be close to her beloved grandmother who lived less than a block away.

Hopefully, once out from under her father’s dominating negativity, Lynn could begin to form her own opinions and feelings about me and about what had happened to her life. I dreaded having no access to her, even though we had only been alone together occasionally since March.

In September, my son Andrew began his sophomore year at Burnsville Senior High School, alone. Michael and Lynn were both gone. On the surface, my leaving did not appear to disturb Andrew, but he was never one to express his emotions. He wasn’t very interested in meeting me for dinner, or shopping, or talking at length on the phone, yet he always invited me and expected me to attend his special events at school and church, which made me feel honored and cared for.

My youngest daughter, Marie, moved from Cedar Elementary School to River Hills Middle School sixth grade, initiating another great change in her young life. I can hardly bear to write about her even now, for my separation from her at age eleven was heartbreaking. How could I have known then that we would not live together for the remainder of her childhood? Marie and I belonged together for her formative years. I held and still hold a righteous rage—an anger that will require forgiveness to release—about how Charles kept us separated.

Ostensibly, to reestablish values for the children, Charles took them to church every Sunday. Even in his angry, overwhelmed state, he earnestly tried to keep the family well fed, and learned how to manage the washing, cleaning, and transportation routines. One of the times I called to speak to the children—any one of them who would talk with me—Charles stated that he had no idea how I had managed by myself all those years.

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